Wednesday, 2 September 2015

Profile 4: Sam Read

About me 
Last year, the greater yellow ecosystem recruited me to Bozeman.  I am able to gallop, cartwheel, and front handspring but I cannot summersault, trot, or stagger.  Every September, I swim the Nile using only the elementary backstroke to keep up on my cardio. I have acquired more student debt than yo-yo tricks and was born with more facial hair than toes.   I have been referred to as the Prince of Daybreak, Premium Grand Master, and The Chancellor.  I am less than the sum of my parts but greater than the product. 
While guiding tours to the bottom of the Krubera Cave, a flash flood rendered me isolated and helpless for 37 hours.  I not only survived, with my extra time, I created compound interest for the development of civilization. People often compare my speed to that of a two story up-escalator.  The iron, top hat, and thimble Monopoly pieces didn’t exist until I played and I have the 8th wonder of the world buried in my childhood backyard. 
I founded Trolli gummy worms then bartered away the company for a pair of Nikes, 21 acres of land outside Dubai , and a broken compass.  Later in life, I drew out the original blueprints for Wrigley Field on an Arby’s napkin.  My mouth lacks the ability to create saliva.  While I’m on the dance floor, ballroom dancing is a full contact sport Andre the Giant was my right hand man. 
When I was a child my village was pillaged by savage brutes with no regard to life; everything was destroyed except for me, my family, and my pet turtle, Django.  I tutored Hyman Minsky in financial theory during his time at the University of Chicago. My girlfriend has traveled to six different countries.  I received a standing ovation for my 7th grade book reports on Moby Dick, The Great Gatsby, and Horton Hears a Who. 
I often confuse spinach and dollar bills; I keep both in my wallet just in case.  I am the most wanted outlaw in North Dakota and Ash Ketchum has the bill of me hanging above his bed.  I once axed down a Redwood using only my sharpened bare hands all to retrieve my neighbor’s housecat.  When handed lemons, I prepare a spectacular three course meal that would render the judges from Food Network’s high renowned show, Chopped, speechless.   I convinced Wacław Sierpiński to give up on the square and mothers want me to date their nieces. 

Saturday, 22 August 2015

Profile 3: Micah Anderson

Age: 23
Height: 5' 11.5''
Weight: 135 lb
Belly Button Type: Certainly not an inny, but not exactly an outy. An in-betweeny?
Record leg hair length: 3''
Names I Have Gone By: Scooter, Bicky, Dee, Mr. Micah, Professor Anderson, Mr. Hobbles, etc.
Favorite:
          Apples to Apples Card: Baked beans
          Tree: Locust
          Disney Princess: Dot (from A Bug's Life)
          Non-Math/Physics Class: Technology and Culture
          Childhood Toy: Legos
          Snack Food: A pear
          Lake: Superior
          Writing Utensil: My Zebra mechanical pencil
          Pet: The absent one
My Life in Two Sentences: God plopped me into an amazing family in Michigan, revealed to me that I'm an empty shell without Him, and shipped me to Montana for grad school. I'm a slender, math/physics/engineering nerd who loves to talk with friends about life, throw baseballs, hike mountains, snap photos, plunk the piano, and eat tacos.

Friday, 21 August 2015

Profile 2. Jonathan Crouch

Name:  Jonathan Crouch

Demographics:  The one who looks the youngest but really isn’t.  I’m the one who people ask if he has a license….but can buy alcohol.  Don’t tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor!  I don’t buy for minors though- not about that life.  This is my second year in the White House and I’ve yet to meet President Obama….the irony.

Origin:  The flat state of Ohio.  Moved to Vermont when I was young and promptly forgot about…about….whatever state i had lived last.  I don’t remember.

Favorite things:
Hobby:  Playing Guitar
Ski Resort:  Moonlight Basin.  Doesn’t exist anymore cause Big Sky bought them out, but still awesome.
Healthy Snack:  Whole Grain Pop Tarts.  I swear they’re a thing.
Disney Movie: Finding Nemo

Goal for my life:  To continue to understand how God sees me (as a deserving son), and to continue to make a difference for Him.


Goals and Dreams:  To work in the music industry in some way, whether it be with sound engineering/acoustics or playing music on stage.  I am currently getting a business degree so I might or might not use that.

Sunday, 19 July 2015

Profile 1: Andrew Guttenberg

"Who lives in the White House?", you may ask.  Well, we shall explain that.  There are 8 of us.  Eight of the most lively, lovely gentlemen you will ever meet.  Here we will explain a bit about ourselves.


Andrew Guttenberg:
Demographics: The old fart.  Age 24, entering my 4th year of White House life.
Major Skills:  Drawing birds.  Watching Birds.  Can enjoy food of any quality.  Low-budget road trips. Sense of humor.
Major Weaknesses: Vacuuming.  Laundry.  Facing conflict.  Sense of smell.
Favorite: Disney Princess: Belle
                 Sports team: Golden State Warriors
                 TV Show: Bob Ross's The Joy of Painting
                 Article of Clothing: Chacos
                 Yogurt brand: Wallaby
                 Time of day: 8:00 PM
                 Roommate:  All of them
Relationship Status: I am awaiting the triumphant return of Ana Clara, the love of my life, so we can get married ASAP.
Hopes and Dreams: Graduate someday, get married, learn Portuguese, draw birds, teach other people to love things that are worthwhile.  Such as Jesus, each other, birds, art, and the outdoors.
Famous Person I'd love to meet: You.

Wednesday, 3 June 2015

Welcome, peoples of the world.

Here will be the collective wisdom gathered, sifted, and gleaned from the eight brilliant, yet eccentric minds of the White House.  I hope your day is brightened, your future is enhanced, and your daydreams are a bit weirder through what you read here.

That is all.